It is a process of education about the improvement of close human relationships in general and marriage in particular. The educational process involves experiential learning in couple groups with the aim of achieving change in attitudes and in behaviour so as to increase the couple's sense of satisfaction with the relationship. The main emphasis is on Commitment to growth, Communication, and constructive resolution of Conflict.
In Western Society expectations of marriage have changed. The Women's Movement, and greater freedom for women, are changing traditional roles: there is more sharing of roles and money and new expectations. This all requires more negotiation and understanding but can lead to tension. Turmoil and uncertainty is around and we are unprepared either by education or modelling to handle the feelings that can be generated. Life experience and training, may provide more insight and growth for one partner than the other, and lead to a sense of separateness. This can be particularly true for carers, counsellors, etc. It is all too easy to lose touch with each other, not only through feelings of separateness but often quite simply through shortage of time.
Most people feel a need for greater companionship in their relationship. The implications of this may include:
- Equal commitment
- Partnership
- Intimacy (sharing of more profound feelings)
- Balance in separateness/togetherness
- Shared decisions
- Agreed role sharing
SOME FEATURES OF THE MARRIAGE ENRICHMENT PROCESS
Partners are encouraged:
- to value each other's individuality and uniqueness
- to share their commitment to the relationship by continuing to work on it
- to recognise the possibility (and desirability) of individual and couple growth (accepting that full potential has not yet been reached and that one can travel hopefully)
- to value and affirm each other's strengths as well as needs
- to recognise the importance of good communication, especially of deeper feelings, by learning the technique of dialogue. (This also involves recognition of unhelpful methods of communicating, and the tangles which can result.)
However we do not offer any specific model of the "ideal" marriage. Each relationship is unique as are its needs and expectations. While recognising the importance of all that we have brought with us from the past (especially from childhood experience and parental modelling), we start from where we are now and by building on our strengths try to reach the goals which are right for us.
SUMMARY
Marriage Enrichment:
- provides skills and insights, especially in Communication, which help to deal with the 'squeaks'
- encourages exploration of the 'marital system' and deepens understanding and empathy
- emphasises the positive and deepens self-esteem and affection
- enables couples to work through their own problems and conflicts more effectively and to set their own goals realistically.
Marriage Enrichment has some similarities to counselling, particularly in Dialogue, (sensitive listening, need for self-awareness, understanding of communication methods, reflecting back), but differs in that each partner has equal rights and is emotionally involved. There is also greater emphasis on appreciation and valuing.
Marriage Enrichment does not:
- Analyse
- Solve problems, (although the techniques we teach can offer more constructive ways of resolving conflicts)
- Set targets (though it may help couples to set their own)
- Provide therapy (although it may have therapeutic effects and can certainly be regarded as preventative in the same way that eating healthy food may help to prevent disease)